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I've been having a few thoughts about growing up. The fact is, I never want to grow up. I mean, who wants to? Yeah, I know, when we were all little, we dreamt of growing up and becoming successful people; to become doctors and lawyers; to save lives. As I gradually got older, the dreams I initially had, changed. The dreams I initially had, became blurry and sometimes, out of sight. I began to tumble through tough obstacles, thinking why life had to be so hard. Yet, those "tough obstacles" that I'd face are actually not the real deal. Well, not yet. I used to think that school life is the hardest and most insane phase in life. Oh how wrong I was. After I graduated from high school, only did I realize how enjoyable and fun this phase was.
All the crazy laughter and moments we had when rushing homework, making fun of teachers and eating together during recess. Although hurting ourselves from all the fights and heartbreaks, but along the way, we found the best people to hangout and laugh with. Isn't that what school is? Growing up. I remember having my emo moments during school because of people who hurt me. Betrayal isn't something to be missed in school, well, unless you're someone who is a wallflower and just sits there and judge people, and not participating in life. Okay, maybe not. Maybe it's just my own opinion. Thinking back, I noticed that it isn't anybody's fault for letting "betrayals" happen, it was my fault all along, for trusting the wrong people. Ha why am I being so emo here? It's true though.
Like everyone, I used to be depressed because of tiny matters which actually don't really matter at all. I was naive and immature, getting angry at problems which don't exist and throwing tantrums online hoping to get attention. Thankfully, those only lasted for a while. Else I'd have missed out SO much on school life. I want to thank the people who had hurt me though. I now know how to not give in too much and handle with my emotions properly. Thank you people for teaching me how to be strong. I'm immune to bullshit now.
When I first entered high school, I just couldn't wait to get out of there and have my own independent life. Now as I am typing here, I will be going off to college in March. Haha. I was such a bitch during lower sec LOL. But then again, we all have to be assholes before learning to stand on our own feet and grow up.
Yes I lost my dad during Form 1. The moment I saw my father on the hospital bed, I broke down real badly. I called and called him but there was no response at all. Do you know how it feels to be helpless, watching the one who taught you how to walk, the one who taught you how to love, the one whom you love the most, slowly losing life in a place which you can't call home? It was so painful to watch. I lost my grasp in life really. The picture is still clear in my mind. It still scares me whenever I stumble upon it. To be honest, I know it's really stupid to admit this, but when the doctor announced that he was gone, I was relieved. WHY DID I FEEL RELIEVED WHEN HE'S GONE FOREVER?! I can't bring myself to actually believe that I felt relieved. I was really sad, of course. But then, I felt relieved that he finally escaped the torture. He finally escaped the pain that had brought him here. He finally escaped all the needle-poking and chemotherapy. He could finally rest...
I guess after all the craps and shit I've gone through, I've learnt how to appreciate things. I've learnt how to accept the facts that will never change no matter how hard I whine and complain about. I've learnt not to think so much and just live in the moment. Because once these moments are gone, they're gone forever and will only be known as memories. I like memories though. Before I sleep, I'd always think back all those memories that I'e been through, good or bad, it's a package anyway. I've definitely learnt how to be happier!!! Yes I am really happy with how my life turned out to be. It's really great and all. And I know I still have to go through A LOT, but I'll try to take things easy and to just try my best. I'm gonna be positive about life. Good vibes are important. I am still gonna crap about my life but that will past in a moment. Hey, I still need to rant about SOMETHING right?!
I'm speaking like I've already grown up right? HAHAHAHAHA no. Actually I'm still a kid. See my face. So young and radiant. 8D LOL. I'm gonna be 18 this June. Still small lah why am I even writing this lol. No lah I am just sharing bits and pieces of my life in this blog so when I grow older I'd be able to laugh at this. Heh. Of course I am still in the process of growing up! Am I afraid? Yep. But I know 2014 will be an amazing ride for me and for everyone. And I am really really thankful for those who stayed in my life up till now. Thanks guys. :)
If growing up means having to go through being a useless piece of crap to become a someone whom people will respect, I'm in.
Oh btw, CHINESE NEW YEAR is around the corner!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO who's excited?! I know I am. Hehehehehe.
Aiya, the CNY wish I wait till it's a few days more only I post lah okay! If I post now then what will I post next time?!
OK BYE.
x
Celine
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