What does this badge mean to me? When I see this badge, I think of my fellow Kota scouts, braving each task, no matter rain or shine. I think of all the times I wanted to just give it all up without a care. I think of the happier times, where we'd just crowd together and talk. I think of the times when I fell, and there were already helping hands ready to pull me up. I think of the sleepless regretful nights when all of us were rushing our logbooks. I think of all the regrets I had when I had to skip a camp for another event (yes I still do feel regretful and disappointed). I think of the first time I ever saw "King Scout", and how much I yearned for it. Because that's how it all started.
I first knew of "King Scout" from St David's magazine. I saw my seniors' marching picture and how proud they looked. My mom introduced me to an outstanding student named Sharon Teng (She is currently in Harvard). I'd been amazed by her achievements ever since. She was the one who sparked my interest in obtaining this award, because I told myself, "I want to be as outstanding as her when I grow up.". I was only 11 or 12 maybe?
I also found out from my brother's friend that they had to live in a jungle for 3 days and make fire by themselves. I remembered it so clearly. My mom had asked me, "Can you do it? Are you sure?" I had nodded firmly and said yes.
Time flew by and I was finally Form 1. I was so excited for my first scouts activity. I was extremely blessed too because my seniors were so nice. My Troop Leader then was Tan Yee Ling. A bubbly, friendly and enthusiastic senior. I liked her a lot because she treated her nothing lesser than how she treated her friends. I think she taught me the most and I will never ever forget her. She was also the one who asked me to start doing my logbooks because there is going to be way more in the future. (But honestly the books I started earlier went missing halfway wtf had to rewrite hahahahah sorry Yee Ling)
Along the way I guess there were a few misunderstandings between ourselves (Please don't ask lol). I also noticed that our batch's scouts weren't very close to each other as compared to our seniors. I didn't like it at all from the start. I'd tried to close the gap but...as you know, it takes two hands to clap. I didn't know what went wrong to be honest.
But luckily, the ultimate mutual goal we all had in our minds actually saved us from this problem.
All of us got closer to each other, and some of them are people whom I talk to everyday haha. It's really a blessing. Despite the hardship we'd gone through together, we're still as tight as ever.
First ever obstacle I'd encountered was hiking. To be really really honest, I was super stoked about hiking. It seemed fun to me. I mean, what could go wrong when you're just walking? EVERYTHING.
It wasn't a walk in a park as I expected. It was anything BUT that.
It wasn't even 10km when I got my first cramp. I knew my members weren't very happy about it but my PL was very thoughtful. Yet, another blessing, because the PLs my other girl friends got were...not very lenient on them. So yes, I was very glad to have him as my PL.
As expected, we were the last to return. I still feel a bit of remorse because of my incapability to overcome even a short distance.
Okay. 20km done for the first day. Achievement unlocked. I could definitely finish the remaining 20km.
Then it happened.
3 of my fellow girl scouts decided to call it quits.
My reaction? Stunned.
It wasn't the kind of news I expected because we'd said we'd go for our goals together.
I encouraged them but they still insisted on going home.
I was devastated, for real. I didn't know that their PLs were so hardcore.
A deep cut was immediately inked on my heart. It was as if someone dear to me had disappeared.
Oh wait. It did. The dream of all of us receiving our scrolls seemed to fade bit by bit.
I called my mom and almost cried. She wanted me to go on.
So I sat on a bench, went full emo while staring into blank space.
I continued on the next day.
It hurt so bad but I got used to it eventually. It started raining halfway.
The raincoats didn't help much; I hated that it made me more sweaty when I already was super sweaty.
And the rain made us carry unnecessary burden too. Sigh.
When we almost reached, there was a hill going up to our school.
I almost gave up by then but Chah Wei asked me to go on because we were already nearing our destination.
Thanks for the extra push.
80km. One of the most excruciatingly painful journeys ever.
A few days before D-Day I fell sick and was super sick.
A day before D-Day I was not fully recovered yet but I told myself I could do it.
Haha. Biggest lie I ever told myself.
I gave up the fight halfway. It still is one of the biggest regrets till now.
I regret because I couldn't even take care of my body for those few days before the hike.
If and only if I was healthy, maybe I could finish the hike and not feel the regret inside of me until this day.
I regret leaving my friends behind while I sit comfortably in the car.
I regret having to slow down everyone's speed.
I regret being sick.
I regret being not strong enough.
I was lucky enough to join the replacement hike held a few weeks after.
Pft. Replacement hike. We were the only batch who had to do that.
It wasn't because of me though; it was for those who didn't manage to attend the first hike.
Luckily, I managed to finish the hike, along with Tung.
This time, it was me who encouraged her to keep going.
I kept telling her, "We're reaching soon" although I honestly didn't know how long the distance was.
So I just kept saying until we reached.
On the way back, there was a kid who saluted to me.
And trust me, that was the best encouragement ever.
Thank you, little kid, bless you.
Fast forward to the final and most important camp - Pentarafan.
I'll just get to the highlights because most of it were just tests, tests and more tests.
It rained a lot at night.
I remember us sitting in our make-shift beds eating biscuits while waiting for the rain to stop.
It never did stop though.
We ran to the dormitories near us when the rain subsided into heavy drizzles.
We made bread and jam in the dorms.
Halfway dozing into dreamland, there was a loud slam on the door.
"KELUAR! KELUAR SEKARANG!"
We got a good scolding and even got our names scrawled on a paper.
So much for a good night's sleep.
Girls were arranged to sleep in a dorm while the guys had to sleep outside.
I still think it wasn't our fault though. Hell, they didn't even make a proper announcement when the rain was so heavy.
What's so wrong about seeking shelter when the storm was coming?
Turns out the guy who scolded us wasn't even one of the officers in charge.
Hm. I also did my first dance performance ever during Pentarafan.
It was great fun when all the Kota scouts gathered to practise our dances together.
Ahh the good vibes and good company. I really miss it.
It's like we're all part of this big family.
When will I ever have this kind of feeling again?
I think one of the best parts of being able to experience this is the friends I gained along the way, the people I am oh-so-ever grateful for, and a 5 years' worth of memories to dive in when I feel like it.
x
Celine
I'm proud to say that I'm so glad that I'd gone through all those with you.
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