Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? That you're not DOING enough?
I don't always feel that way. But I do now. So it's the perfect time to jot down everything on my mind now.
I'm the type of person who always feels like the world is against me when a lot of shit piles up on me. Sure, they can be solved - but when everything comes at you at once, you just don't really know what to do. My problems are probably minute compared to kids starving in Africa, or people stuck in war. In fact, my problems may not even be called a "problem" at all.
I am a very emotional person. I understand that a lot of things are not under my control, and that I shouldn't blame myself for it. But sometimes the burden is just too much to handle - not everyone can understand what you're going through. Even so, other people have demons to fight on their own. They're going through the same, if not worse issues than you. Who are you to even utter a word of complaint?
Sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing enough. Am I really doing my best? Have I allocated enough time for my family? Have I completed my work effectively? Have I treated my body well? Nowadays I don't even feel like going out to do anything. I've lost the fire to even have some fun. I just want to spend my rest days at home. Am I a normal human being?
When I compare myself to others, I'm not doing at all bad in terms of work. But it's tiring. It's so tiring. You think you've completed your work? Ha no. There's more. Sure, I've just got promoted, hence it's normal to have more responsibility and burden on me. Sometimes I feel like I'm not compensated enough for all the work I've been receiving? But then I tell myself that it's normal and everyone has gone through the same thing once upon a time. I don't know.
Not sure if I mentioned before, but I have PCOS. It means I have irregular periods, sometimes going up to 8 months of having no period at all. I've seen a doctor and he says it's something I'm born with. When he scanned my ovaries, we noticed that my right ovary is swollen with cysts. It's because the eggs are produced but not triggered to be released to the uterus, so it accumulated in the ovary. He prescribed me some pills to try to regulate my period. He also asked me to exercise more. And to basically live a healthier lifestyle.
This year had been the worst for my body. It probably relates to the stress and the kind of lifestyle I have. I'm trying my best. I'm trying. I really am. I'm not sure if I should even continue with audit anymore. I really do want to continue.
I'm feeling so terribly down now.
I just had the pills a few days ago so it's probably the hormones, I guess.
I don't always feel that way. But I do now. So it's the perfect time to jot down everything on my mind now.
I'm the type of person who always feels like the world is against me when a lot of shit piles up on me. Sure, they can be solved - but when everything comes at you at once, you just don't really know what to do. My problems are probably minute compared to kids starving in Africa, or people stuck in war. In fact, my problems may not even be called a "problem" at all.
I am a very emotional person. I understand that a lot of things are not under my control, and that I shouldn't blame myself for it. But sometimes the burden is just too much to handle - not everyone can understand what you're going through. Even so, other people have demons to fight on their own. They're going through the same, if not worse issues than you. Who are you to even utter a word of complaint?
Sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing enough. Am I really doing my best? Have I allocated enough time for my family? Have I completed my work effectively? Have I treated my body well? Nowadays I don't even feel like going out to do anything. I've lost the fire to even have some fun. I just want to spend my rest days at home. Am I a normal human being?
When I compare myself to others, I'm not doing at all bad in terms of work. But it's tiring. It's so tiring. You think you've completed your work? Ha no. There's more. Sure, I've just got promoted, hence it's normal to have more responsibility and burden on me. Sometimes I feel like I'm not compensated enough for all the work I've been receiving? But then I tell myself that it's normal and everyone has gone through the same thing once upon a time. I don't know.
Not sure if I mentioned before, but I have PCOS. It means I have irregular periods, sometimes going up to 8 months of having no period at all. I've seen a doctor and he says it's something I'm born with. When he scanned my ovaries, we noticed that my right ovary is swollen with cysts. It's because the eggs are produced but not triggered to be released to the uterus, so it accumulated in the ovary. He prescribed me some pills to try to regulate my period. He also asked me to exercise more. And to basically live a healthier lifestyle.
This year had been the worst for my body. It probably relates to the stress and the kind of lifestyle I have. I'm trying my best. I'm trying. I really am. I'm not sure if I should even continue with audit anymore. I really do want to continue.
I'm feeling so terribly down now.
I just had the pills a few days ago so it's probably the hormones, I guess.
x
Celine
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