After days of procrastination, I guess I finally got my lazy ass to start writing again. I'm aware that most of my writing doesn't really make sense and my thoughts are mostly all over the place but thanks for reading anyway.
Time really flies. 3 years. And here I am, back to square one - the transition period. Since last year I've been worried and anxious about what could, and would happen after I graduate. What will I do? Where will I be? What do I like? Then I thought thoroughly, maybe those were not what I was concerned about. Maybe it's the particular transitioning that tickles my nerves. Just thinking about it makes my hair stand.
Transitioning is always scary, but nevertheless exciting. Maybe it's like a way to turn over a new leaf? To start over ? I'm not sure. Just like how we were afraid after finishing primary and secondary school. The feeling is similar, however this time I won't be in the vicinity of a safe space called school anymore. I'll officially leave the nest, the nest that would tolerate my wrongs and listen to what I had to say without any judgments. I apologize for sounding dramatic but this is actually a huge leap in my life and I dare say I'm not ready for it. Will we ever be though?
Throughout my college life I've been very blessed. I had a lot of opportunities come to me. Some I accepted and some I turned away. I'm glad I decided to do what I did with the heart and will to learn - and not just because it could beautify my resume. I always knew that my resume would do me good by the end of the day but why would you do something without any passion and interest thrown into it?
With opportunities, also come regrets. I regret the times where I had turned down friends just because I was lazy to go out. I regret the times I could spend my time studying in the library instead of sleeping in my room. I regret the times I didn't immediately join tennis when I first came just because I was more worried about my studies. But I am also glad, I managed to do all these in 2016 and also the first half of 2017. I went out more often with my friends. I spent most of my time in uni instead of being stuck in my room. I played tennis. I enjoyed more. I was happier. The only regret was that I didn't do all these earlier.
I needed time, then again, don't we all? It's always sad to know that once you get comfortable in your nest, it's time to fly again. The thing is we don't have much time. We keep telling ourselves, "I'll do it later." When is later? When will you actually do it?
Every phase of my life gives me lessons. I guess the biggest lesson I could learn is to just do it. I wish I was more of a doer than a thinker. A lot of our regrets come from not doing instead of doing. Looking back I wish I did more. I really do. But that's all in the past now. I'm contented that I ended my college life on a happy note. Maybe if we started something with the thinking that it will end soon, we might appreciate the process more?
As I mentioned earlier, I am a thinker. When I say I'm a thinker, I do think. A lot. Too much, actually, to my dismay. Due to past experiences, I would unknowingly connect the past and the future and come up with multiple possibilities that screw my thoughts and make me crumble with anxiety. Of course, all of them are covered with negativity. I like my free time, but free time also means room for overthinking. Sometimes I wonder if I have anxiety??? Lol my writing is out of context again.
I have a love-hate relationship with change. I hate change because I like things the way they are lol, but I also believe that change is always for the better. It's always the first leap of change that challenges me. After that, everything will be fine. And I will be back to normal again.
For now, I have applied for jobs. One of them has already rejected me, I think due to the fact that I haven't gotten my results. One of them had asked me to complete an online assessment, and the other totally ignored my email hahaha. To be frank, the first rejection kind of shattered my confidence and increased the doubt in myself. But life goes on.
The transition will be fine, I hope.
Time really flies. 3 years. And here I am, back to square one - the transition period. Since last year I've been worried and anxious about what could, and would happen after I graduate. What will I do? Where will I be? What do I like? Then I thought thoroughly, maybe those were not what I was concerned about. Maybe it's the particular transitioning that tickles my nerves. Just thinking about it makes my hair stand.
Transitioning is always scary, but nevertheless exciting. Maybe it's like a way to turn over a new leaf? To start over ? I'm not sure. Just like how we were afraid after finishing primary and secondary school. The feeling is similar, however this time I won't be in the vicinity of a safe space called school anymore. I'll officially leave the nest, the nest that would tolerate my wrongs and listen to what I had to say without any judgments. I apologize for sounding dramatic but this is actually a huge leap in my life and I dare say I'm not ready for it. Will we ever be though?
Throughout my college life I've been very blessed. I had a lot of opportunities come to me. Some I accepted and some I turned away. I'm glad I decided to do what I did with the heart and will to learn - and not just because it could beautify my resume. I always knew that my resume would do me good by the end of the day but why would you do something without any passion and interest thrown into it?
With opportunities, also come regrets. I regret the times where I had turned down friends just because I was lazy to go out. I regret the times I could spend my time studying in the library instead of sleeping in my room. I regret the times I didn't immediately join tennis when I first came just because I was more worried about my studies. But I am also glad, I managed to do all these in 2016 and also the first half of 2017. I went out more often with my friends. I spent most of my time in uni instead of being stuck in my room. I played tennis. I enjoyed more. I was happier. The only regret was that I didn't do all these earlier.
I needed time, then again, don't we all? It's always sad to know that once you get comfortable in your nest, it's time to fly again. The thing is we don't have much time. We keep telling ourselves, "I'll do it later." When is later? When will you actually do it?
Every phase of my life gives me lessons. I guess the biggest lesson I could learn is to just do it. I wish I was more of a doer than a thinker. A lot of our regrets come from not doing instead of doing. Looking back I wish I did more. I really do. But that's all in the past now. I'm contented that I ended my college life on a happy note. Maybe if we started something with the thinking that it will end soon, we might appreciate the process more?
As I mentioned earlier, I am a thinker. When I say I'm a thinker, I do think. A lot. Too much, actually, to my dismay. Due to past experiences, I would unknowingly connect the past and the future and come up with multiple possibilities that screw my thoughts and make me crumble with anxiety. Of course, all of them are covered with negativity. I like my free time, but free time also means room for overthinking. Sometimes I wonder if I have anxiety??? Lol my writing is out of context again.
I have a love-hate relationship with change. I hate change because I like things the way they are lol, but I also believe that change is always for the better. It's always the first leap of change that challenges me. After that, everything will be fine. And I will be back to normal again.
For now, I have applied for jobs. One of them has already rejected me, I think due to the fact that I haven't gotten my results. One of them had asked me to complete an online assessment, and the other totally ignored my email hahaha. To be frank, the first rejection kind of shattered my confidence and increased the doubt in myself. But life goes on.
The transition will be fine, I hope.
x
Celine
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